Hope everything will be fine .

I didn't feeling right at all , feel like I'm so cheeky and shameless to stick with him . 

I know that we shouldn't to be together for her , 

But I just not willing to break up with him , I don't have the brave to say that I want to leave him . 

Because I love him , 

I Really LOVE HIM MORE THAN YOU GUYS CAN IMAGINE . 

But yesterday , I did it . 

I told him maybe we should separate for a while , to wait everything to be fine .

He asked me , what's the problem ? What had I did wrong ? 

I told him , thats not his fault . because of "......." ( I'm not thinking of wanna say about it ) . 

He said , you wanna break up with me just because of that little problem ? 

I was thinking * Little problem ??? Hye dear , thats not a little problem for me you know . * 

Then he said , If like that then I don't have any comment , it's your choice . 

When I saw that message , my tears couldn't stop for dropping , I don't know how to control it too . 

The friends around me keep on asking for don't break up ,

and say that's only a small problem , we can don't let her know everything .

But I just feel like something wrong within it . 

I don't want to be like this ,

If can I really want back to December .

Back to the moment that I really felt happy with them ,

especially him , and Marsha .

My sister , Marsha said that , "If you break then I break also , I meant what I said " 

It's because of the date that I couple with Dwayne is same as Marsha and JunJie ,

We're together in the town that time , 11 December 2010 .

The time we say that sister are always important than boys ,

so we made a promise ,

*No matter who is the first to break up with this relationship , the other one also must be the same , no matter how you love the boy . *

We really meant what we said .

 She cheer me up , she ask me don't give up the people that I really love , or else I will regret after .

He text me , he asked me 

" You know you say like this hurt me very deep ? "

" I though you remember these word * No matter what happen must be together"

I cried again , I still remember , and never forget !

I replied him ,

" I never forget about it , sorry .. it's my impulse to said that "

" I keep back what I said , sorry for hurt you so deep , no more break between us "

I really not willing to break , thats why I say I don't have the brave to leave him ,

because I don't want him to feel hurt .

For sure , I'll feel more hurt if I hurt him .

Sorry dear , I'm not purposely to said that ..

I just want to respect her ,

Hope you understand , I love you :')

Aries ♥

白羊座 ♥

爱一个人可以什么也不顾，恨一个人也不会听任何劝说之词。白羊座的冲动不是一时兴起，更是一种习惯。总是将自己置身于最热闹的地方，最欢快的场所，可是人群散去，只留下一个人静静的陪着自己的影子时，白羊却寂寞的疯狂。是的，他们的寂寞就是孤独。而孤独就是寂寞的唯一姿态。一个人背包去旅行的白羊，不是因为真的潇洒，而是因为孤独没人知，唯有大自然的回声。

It's really accurate .
Love a person can make me do everything for him , the important is what the way he like me to be . Even the thing that I don't really like , I'll do for him too . I don't care how the people around me look down on me , or say I become more rebellious after be with my boyfriend . Even my real sister also say like that when knew I do something bad . But I ignore , actually I care what she said , but I just acted like I don't care . And when I hate a person I will not change my mind to like him/her after heard somebody advise . I'll only change my mind when I really saw that his/her strength .

I like to be with a lot of friends , buddies . Because I really dislike to be alone , but sometime only got the songs to be my companion . I hate the feel of lonely , but it keep on happen to me . But I felt that I'm really stronger than before , I know the changes of myself , I know that I'm not easy to cry as last time . Not wont cry , is not that easy to cry . Iits really hard to endure the tears don't let it to drop down , but most of the times I did it . I don't want the people around me included him to feel that I'm so weak , always cry for a little problem . Ya , I used to be like that . But I really changed , changed to be stronger . Like this is the best way for me to face everything happened to me .

That's all I want to share with you guys today , see again next post  ♥

I don't know why .

I don't know how to describe my feeling or mood recently . Realize that the contents of my blog is keep on changing ? Sometime sad , sometime happy . I don't know why , this is what feeling that he gave me . Will not stay in the same mood for a long time . Today feel hurt , but maybe tomorrow turning sweet again .  

I can't blame on him for everytime that he make me feel hurt . Sometime he don't even know what I'm sad or angry for , I know it's because of he feel that what he didn't do anything wrong . So maybe is I too sensitive , like to think negative ways , but I not willing to tell him what I'm thinking .. Fake a smile and act strong is my habits when facing him . 


These few days sometime he will ignore me for awhile , but sometime he accompanied me , made me feel sweet , feel warm .  He asked me : Do you feel happy ? , I answered : Yes , got the feeling . why ? , He said : Nothing , I feel happy too .. Then he gave me a kissed ♥ . Really so happy and feel so sweet in the moment , but I worried that will disappointed once more , scared that someday he will start to treat me cool again .

But nevermind , at least you will not treat me cool for a long time :) ♥

Fall from heaven to the hell .

That day I posted that " the original you are finally changing back " on my blog , Well , I think that was just a dream , and now is the time to wake up . no more sweetness , no more message , no more telling before doing .

Since you're in K.K , you used to text me automatically , replied the message that I sent , sms sweet till made me can smile in anytime ,  let me know before doing anything and more .. But why change again my dear ? Why you doesn't do those thing that you did at K.K to me anymore ? You made me feel warm and happy , but hurt me again at the last ! I'm tired , I'm disappointed , I'm sad , But do you care ? no respond I know .

Alright , maybe you feel it's okay whether you telling me or not before doing something , but you know that , I'm always here waiting for you . I though you very clear about that ? You knew it right ? But why you still want me to worry , to wait , to disappointed , to sad ?! Sometime I really suspect about your love . If you really love me as you said , you won't do me like this ! you will not make me worry about you ! you will cherish every moment that we're together ! you will not let me wait for almost whole day ! But I always tell myself , love is to believe but not suspect . So that I act normal in front of you once more .

I know , I know it's hard to asked you change in a sudden  , *江山易改 本性难移  , i understand this sentence . Maybe the person have to change is me . I'm not enough strong , not enough strong to bear how you treat me . But I already try my very best to make you relax , not to make you stress of me and this relationship .

He's back .

He went to K.K last Friday's noon , came back on Monday . He bought a puppy , named JASPER . I saw it's pic , look so tiny and cute . And he bought a phone too , it's Xperia Play , look as something like psp ? It's quit expensive -.-

Guess what ? The ORIGINAL him is finally changing back ! He keep on sms with me when he's in K.K , he replied every message that i sent , It's okay even we didn't talk in the phone for almost whole day , because he's with his family , I understand bhu :)  At least we're still contacting each other . He sms are getting sweet as last time !  And many topic to chat as lat time too . I really get back the feeling in the few days my dear ~ 



I lost this feeling last few week or month , Didn't more than twenty or even ten message that get from him in my message's inbox a day , Once I sms him , him will straight away call me and ask what I wanna say . After told him what I wanna say then he'll say call me again later then end the call , no more chit-chat . This is not what I want larh stupid dear .



I'd rather he's still in K.K , because he got a lot of things to do at here , especially caring his Jasper ! In the phone he keep on saying "wait for awhile ya " , then will heard he say " Jas come Jas ~ " He's calling his baby again . Got a bit jealous eh , hahaha xD

Anyway , I only hope that you won't change anymore , I really hope that .♥